Phawnta's Story

Finding my Beauty in God

Out of the depths of abuse and into his abounding love

Reading Secure in Heart has definitely changed my view on how God views me as a woman and how I view myself. I know that I can live a single and joyful life with God as my one and only!

My Roots of Insecurity

In my childhood, I experienced sexual, verbal and physical abuse. During that time, I had low self-esteem, low confidence, low everything! I thought of myself as ugly, and as a result I struggled with anorexia, anger, and bitterness.

My mother never dreamed for me and was very unsupportive. She thought I couldn’t do anything, and my self-worth was thrown out the door. But I always had a dream. And that was what kept me going. I made it my goal to prove to my mother I could do anything!

Seeking God

At the age of 20, God really brought down my pride. I was hit with a health issue called polymyositis (an auto immune disease resulting in inflammation of the muscles). When I found out, I burned with anger toward God. I kept saying to myself, “I'm too young to have a health issue and God does not love me!” At the same time, I felt lost and I understood that I needed God.

God sought after me and I sought him and I am happy to say that He is now my husband! God changed my life through baptism and Jesus’ death on the cross for me. Now, I am 26 years old and I walk with confidence in God.

Times of Testing

God has allowed me to go through many hard times in my Christian life. I have been persecuted by family and friends, and gone through hard times financially and spiritually (and am still going through hard times financially). Over the last 2 years, I have been hit with hardship and my heart has been tested. I lost my job almost 2 years ago and have been struggling with finding a job ever since. Also during this time, I was asked to step down from a leadership role within my church. I felt like my whole world was turned upside down and I began to struggle again with bitterness, and a lack of confidence and self-worth.

I stopped dreaming and caring about what I should be doing for God. I felt like all my prayers and dreams were going unanswered and God was saying NO to everything I asked for! Rejection after rejection after rejection! I asked for a husband, and God still has not answered. I asked for a job, and found no job. I lost my zeal for God and I stopped dreaming.

Secure in Heart

Reading Secure in Heart really helped to give me a greater perspective about who God is and his love for me. I understand now that nothing he created was wrong or by accident, including us – which means there is nothing wrong with me! I used to feel I had to prove to the world that I was good enough, and thoughts that I was a failure would haunt me every day. I felt that my skin needed to be lighter, that to be pretty I needed to be tall and skinny like the models I saw on TV (which resulted in my eating disorder). Secure in Heart helped me to understand all of Satan’s lies, to fix my eyes on Jesus, and to fall more deeply in love with God.

Thanks be to God, that He has changed my heart again, reminding me of our relationship through scriptures and prayer, and of course help from spiritual leaders and friends. I feel now that out of the hard times I have gained a new perspective on God and myself! I can inspire other women who struggle with self-worth, confidence and insecurities, telling them “God loves you with an undying love. If you were made in the image of God, then you know you are beautiful, because God is beauty!” I know that God is the only husband that will last for eternity, and I have begun to dream again.

Thank you, Robin, because your book has really changed my life and my perspective in a new and spiritual way!


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